Don't Mess With Harry Potter Sir
by JackPotr
Summary: Just a little idea of what should have been.


Disclaimer: Nope, don't own it.

AN: I've got all these stories on my computer that is either a half baked idea or a one off. Thought I'd start sharing a few. Hope you enjoy.

The Boy Who Decided to Live

After the battle in the DOM, Albus Dumbledore somehow thought this would be an appropriate time to tell Harry of a prophecy. This prophecy foretold of the coming battle between Harry and Voldemort who was the most feared dark lord in ages. Through the prophecy, Harry learned that it would come down to one of them killing the other. Between the prophecy, the death of Sirius, and several of his friends being injured during the battle, the weight he was bearing from all this shattered Harry completely and he withdrew into himself for the rest of the school term.

Harry sought out his friends for the ride home but was politely rebuffed by the five of them. Harry found a compartment to himself and stayed there until the train arrived at Kings Cross Station. After departing the train, Harry quickly left the platform where he found several order members surrounding Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia and scolding them of their treatment of Harry. Mad Eye Moody was there and was making active threats to his 'family' about how Harry better be treated right this summer.

After watching for a minute, Harry grew irritated at how they were trying to interfere with his life and stepped in. He glared at them and said "Just what the hell do you think you are doing to my family? Every single one of you needs to back the hell off and leave them alone. Pull this crap again and I will write a letter to Madam Bones about the treatment of my family."

Remus said "But Harry, we were just trying to help."

Harry glared at him and said "When I needed help, there was no one there and when I don't need help, you people are all over me. I'm going to say this one time, stay away from me and stay out of my life. You are not wanted or needed any longer. Oh and by the way, if I see any of you around my home this summer, I will contact Madam Bones and have the problem corrected."

The Order Members all stood there in shock as Harry stared them down. Harry finally turned to his Uncle and said "Let's go home Uncle Vernon, I have suffered with these fools long enough this year."

This one statement had more far reaching effects than Harry ever expected. Because of his attitude towards those 'freaks', Vernon and Petunia made the effort to make Harry's summer holidays much more pleasant than normal. He had been granted more freedom to go out and had become a regular at the pick up football games at a local field. The exercise had done him wonders and he was now more physically fit than he had ever been. It also had effects on his magic, making him more powerful, and after years of being so small, he had finally started growing.

Harry had promised himself to stay busy enough over the summer to allow the memory of Sirius' death to fade on its own and not take him over. Most evenings, Harry could either be found at the library researching non-magical means to help him in the future or in his room studying his textbooks from school. Harry was so occupied with keeping himself busy that he never even noticed the lack of correspondence from his 'friends'.

As the summer holidays were drawing to a close, Remus showed up at Private Drive and asked to speak with Harry.

Upon seeing Remus, Harry started to turn and return to his room.

Remus said "Harry, wait please. I only came here to take you to get your school things."

Harry came back down the stairs and as Petunia backed off to give them some privacy. Harry gently grabbed her hand and pulled her beside him.

Harry said "Mr. Lupin, my family has already seen to my school needs and your help is neither wanted nor needed."

Remus pleaded "Harry, can we please talk for a minute. Sirius left your guardianship to me and I intend to fulfill my responsibilities."

Harry bristled at the comment and said "Mr. Lupin, as I am not in the magical world at the present, I have no need for a magical guardian. Even if I was in the magical world, I would still have no need for a magical guardian as I have survived ALL these years on my own anyway."

Petunia stepped forward and said "Mr. Lupin, I am not asking but telling you that at this point, you are not welcome on our property. That also is extended to the rest of you who think you have my nephew's 'best interests' at heart. As Harry's legal guardian, I am exercising my rights and filing a no trespass warrant against you and this so called 'Order'. Do not reappear at this address ever again. While I am at it, I will file a restraining order against all of you and that will include those brats that seem to have an unhealthy interest in my nephew."

Remus stood there in shock. Petunia was effectively cutting Harry off from all of them and there wasn't anything they could do about it.

Harry smirked "Oh yeah Mr. Lupin, tell Dumbass that his manipulations of me are over. I actually find it kind of funny that his manipulations have come back to haunt him. Imagine my surprise when my aunt informed me of Albus' forcing them to take my legal guardianship."

Remus asked "What do you mean Harry?"

Harry smirked and said "Albus may have been able to redirect my mail but he couldn't redirect my Aunt's. The Goblins got in touch with her and she took me to Gringotts."

Remus paled.

Harry said "That's right wolfman. WE KNOW EVERYTHING!"

Remus paled even more.

"Yes Mr. Lupin, the suppressing of my parents' wills, the illegal marriage contracts, the suppressing of the legal marriage contract, and most of all the thefts from my vaults."

Remus said "I don't know what you are talking about Harry."

"Just get out Mr. Lupin and tell everyone that the Goblin collections manager, I think his name is Ballbreaker, will be coming to see them real soon." Harry let his magic flow into his hands and made the motion of shoving someone and Remus flew out the door.

Harry slammed the door as Remus was getting up off the ground and turned to Petunia.

"Is everything ready?"

"Yes Harry, this was my final walk through of the house. We have everything we want already at our new house."

"Okay, um, well I just want to say thank you for this summer and for finally listening to me and also thank you for having the patience to help me understand everything."

"Harry, it was our pleasure. I would like to again apologize for how we treated you. There is nothing we wouldn't do to make it up to you."

"Aunt Tuney, there is nothing to forgive. Thanks to the Goblins, we now know it was a spell placed on you by Dumbledore that was behind it."

"That may be but we still should have found a way to not act that way. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing." She stepped over and gave him a motherly hug goodbye.

Harry said "Yes ma'am, now if you are ready?" She nodded. "Dobby"

"Yes Master Harry?"

"Could you take Aunt Petunia to her new home? I'll meet you at the manor afterwards."

Dobby nodded as he grabbed Petunia's hand and popped them away. Harry took one last look at his former home on Privet Dr and activated the portkey in his head of house ring and disappeared in a swirl of colors.

Within five minutes, Harry reappeared in the living room of Privet Dr with his arms wrapped around a raven haired beauty.

Harry asked "Are you sure your mum's okay with all this?"

She laughed and said "Okay? Hell Harry she beyond excited at our plans."

Harry smiled and said "Good, well it's about time to get started."

He held out his arm and said "Shall we, Lady Black?"

She grinned and said "By all means Lord Black."

They stepped out into the backyard and joined hands. Over the summer, Harry's research had yielded many little known facts which he had confirmed with his new mother in law. Her being an Unspeakable really paid off in the knowledge department as he had learned that if they joined hands and merged their magic, they could blur their magical signature to the point where they could not be identified.

He turned to her and said "I love you Daphne."

She smiled and said "I love you too Harry. The day you showed up on my doorstep with that old Black marriage contract was one of the best days of my life. I thought I was going to be stuck with the ponce because of it."

"I'd never let him touch you."

"Yeah, you say that now that I've shagged you silly. Let's get this over with so we can start our new life."

Harry nodded said "I, Harry James Potter no longer consider Vernon, Petunia, and Dudley Dursley my family and no longer consider this place to be my home."

A sudden blue crackle of energy spread over #4 Private Drive as the blood wards and all other wards dropped. Harry and Daphne then raised their wands and shouted "Incendio" at the same time. Dobby had been waiting for them to finish and he stepped between them grabbing their hands.

When they arrived at Greengrass Manor, Harry turned to Dobby and asked "Were you able to get the bodies I requested?"

With a smirk, Dobby said "Not exactly."

Harry frowned and said "Dobby you did put bodies in there didn't you?"

"Oh yes Master Harry, I's just didn't get them from the graveyard."

"Um Dobby, what bodies did you put in there?"

With a sheepish grin, Dobby said "I's be putting Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, and Parkinson in there."

Daphne smirked and said "You did well Dobby. I am very proud of you."

"Thank you Mistress but you might not be happy with Dobby after he tells you what else he did."

"Um Dobby, I'm scared to ask but what else did you do?"

With that Kreature popped in and said "WE did it Master, don't let Dobby take all the blame himself. It was Kreature's idea."

"OK you two, just what did you do?"

Kreature said "We heard the foul wizards in House of Black talking about using potions on you and making you get the younger red headed trollop pregnant so they could take all your money and properties."

Dobby said "We's added elf magic to the wards that caused any who entered the house to seek out and mate with the person that would create the most trouble if they were caught."

Kreature added "Master Harry, Dobby not be telling you that the magic wouldn't wear off until the female was pregnant. The magic also causes you to forget it ever happened until a healer diagnoses' being with child and the father is revealed by the test."

Daphne and Harry snickered. Harry said "You two are the best. Now just who were the couples?"

Harry and Daphne were on the floor laughing hard and just a little grossed out at some of the pairings. Once this got out, Hogwarts would be looking for some new staff. Minerva had bedded Ron, Snape had bedded Hermione, Remus had bedded Ginny, and Tonks had bedded Neville. Once the pregnancy and the fathers of the babies were revealed, the teachers would be fired and arrested as would Tonks.

Meanwhile, all the devices that kept track of Harry and the wards around his house started melting on the shelf in Albus' office but since he was currently in a meeting with Remus over what had just happened with Harry their destruction went unnoticed. When he arrived in his office, the sight of the destroyed devices caused him to panic and floo call the DMLE.

He asked for assistance from Amelia Bones but received an answer from her saying that he was out her jurisdiction during the summer months as Albus had him hid away. She and Ellie Greengrass had become VERY close since Jason Greengrass had disappeared and she was well aware of the situation. It didn't hurt that she was offered a room with Ellie in the Black's new home. If the truth were known, Amelia was in the process of writing out her resignation as Head of the DMLE. She had had enough of Fudge's incompetence and the pure blood bull crap and planned on getting out of England just as quick as she could.

Albus received a floo call from Tonks minutes later saying that the dark mark was floating over Harry's house and that the house was almost burnt to the ground. She stayed around and waited for the muggle authorities to deal with the scene and noticed four bodies pulled out of the house. All were unrecognizable and from what she could see but they were roughly the size of the four inhabitants of #4 Privet Drive.

Back at Greengrass manor, Ellie came down the stairs and said "Everything has been taken care of, the house is for sale, the vaults have been closed and moved to my new one, and everything will be packed up and put into storage."

"Well I guess everything is ready then."

"So, this island we are going to, is it private?"

Harry said "Yeah, Black Island is unplottable and hidden very well. Not to mention that we will be the only ones living there. I hope you and Aunt Amy are up for nude sunbathing."

"Oh, you can be sure of that. By the way, Amelia won't leave without Susan so we invited her along."

"Well okay but won't she feel kind of left out?"

"Oh Harry, your innocence is so sweet sometimes. Susan will not be left out since she fully intends to join with you and Daphne. I mean, well, how do you think Amelia and I got together? We walked in on Susie and Daph once and caught them all over each other. Once we saw that they were together, one thing led to another and well, well here we are."

Harry had a glazed look on his face at the thought of it until she snapped him out of it with what she said next. She walked over and rubbed her hand over his crotch. "From what Daphne has told me, there's enough down there for all of us. When she told us you wanted a large family, well us four girls decided that we would all love to have some of your babies so don't plan on getting any rest anytime soon. Not only that, if we are going to be walking around naked, we won't be the only ones if you want any from us.


End file.
